Sunday, October 21, 2012

Some nights I stay up cashing in my bad luck - Some nights I call it a draw.

Do you ever think about what makes you... well you? Maybe you think about it when you are laying in bed late at night all alone. Or maybe when you see someone else and you get jealous as fuck and you start to wonder why you are no where like them. I'm pretty sure everyone has these thoughts every now and again and if you don't, well clearly you're a fucking liar.

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Its all a small piece of a bigger picture. Some people think that you create your own destiny and others think that its set out for you. I am kinda in the middle... I think its like those kiddy books you can get where you choose the ending. Ya know "Stephanie wandered across a dark alley... if you want Stephanie to be a bad ass and walk into the dark alley flip to page 666, if you want Stephanie to be a pussy then just go to the last page because clearly you're lame and this book might as well just be over with."

I guess that if our destinies were really that chosen for us then we wouldn't have to struggle with the art of making decisions. Because well... We would just do what we were programmed to do to ensure that our shit worked out like it was supposed to. But the people in our lives are even more important then the decisions we make. We can fuck up on our own, but people are put into our lives for a reason. To teach us, no matter how old we are. To inspire us, love us, embrace us, mold us.

But all of this has a time stamp on it. And no one knows when that time is up.

Then what? Now not only are you thinking about what makes you, you are thinking about how that person made you. Flipping through your rolladex of memories trying to remember every little detail so you can bring them back to life. Maybe if your memories are real, reality will be just be a dream.

If it was only that easy.

Sometimes you really surprise your self when you find out someone you really love wont be making those memories with you any more.

I'm currently dealing with:

1. A sudden upsetting or suprising even to experience.
2. A group of twelve sheaves of grain placed upright and supporting each other to allow the grain to  
    dry and ripen
3. An unkempt or thick mass of hair.

Hopefully everyone realizes I am referring to number one of the definition. If you don't... please stop reading my blog now.

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